Category Archives: The View

The prayer of a man three weeks unemployed.

Oh Lord God
Creator of all things
Ruler of Heaven and of Earth
get me out of here.

Lord, you see and know all things
so you need no bulletins from me
regarding my unemployed state
It’s been three weeks, Lord
it would be really okay by me
if that didn’t go to four
Three weeks is long enough
to be in Limbo
which I don’t believe in anyway
since I’m a Presbyterian

Lord, aside from the no income
versus the all kinds of outgo
there is the terrible curse
of time on my hands.

There are just so many times
I can watch Batman Begins,
and my behind hurts from sitting and
playing Halo
Lord, you ordained the Sabbath for rest
Doing it for the other six days of the week
gets tired really quick
Lord, surely I have been idle too long
when I start to compare and contrast “The View”
versus “The Talk”

But Lord,
far, far worse
are the chores.
Clean the bathroom
Vacuum the carpet
Take the laundry out of the dryer.
Because of these burdens, Lord
I dwell in the Slough of Despond.

And yet, Lord, these trials pale,
they fade to insignificance
beside the terror
of yard work.

Lord, have mercy.
gravity + autumn = falling leaves
is part of your divinely ordained plan for Nature
Who, then, is puny man
that he tries to interpose
his unbiblical and heretical ideas
about a tidy lawn?
But we sin again and again in this manner
every fall.

Lord, I’m not picky
I’ll put up with a lot
Stupid bosses
impossible deadlines
right-wing co-workers
lousy pay-rates
(well, within reason)
I’ve done it before.
So, please, give me a shot
allow the offer letters to come in
set my phone to ringing
I’m ready, Lord.

And do it quick
my wife is talking about
cleaning out the garage.

In the name of Jesus Christ, your Son
(who, if you might recall, Lord,
was also a working man),