Been gone so long….

No one is likely to have noticed, but for the last several months I have been largely disconnected from my blog– a couple of movie reviews, a few short political rants, but nothing about the core reason I created this blog in the first place, which was to share my writing experiences and struggles.

I won’t go into graphic detail about why.  My writing efforts tend to go through cycles of enthusiasm and despondency as it is, but for the last few months I have been particularly disconnected from my major projects, and could only doodle away at other pieces that have no hope of being published any time soon.  More than that, I came perilously close to closing out and discarding the Divine Lotus series of novels altogether, and had to be talked out of it, to a large extent, by an old friend whose enthusiasm for the books exceeds my own.

Life changes and personal failures contributed to my malaise.  I have been actively depressed, if that’s not a contradiction in terms, to the degree that it was hard to see a point in my writing.  A sense of futility often made it hard for me to even get my hands to the keyboard.

I cannot say that is all over and done with.  I’ve taken certain steps to redirect my life, but it is unclear at this hour whether these steps will be effective.  I have, however, resumed writing Princess of Stars.  The Horseman (a terrible title, but it’s only tentative) is also in the pipeline.

The truth is, I am not a very good writer, and I never will be.  My writing is mediocre, at best, and it was that sense of dissatisfaction that nearly caused me to dump the Divine Lotus novels.  I’m also never going to make any serious money at this.  That’s become more and more apparent to me, as well, but I think that I have recovered enough from my depression to simply want to see the stories completed for the sake of being completed. That seems a worthy and sufficient goal in itself.

Hopefully this new resolution will hold, and I will be posting more often in the coming months.  In addition to talking about my progress on my projects, I’d like to get back to doing more movie and book reviews.  I might even once more take up the cudgel of flash fiction challenges, but I make no promises.

Of course, this all assumes that a certain bloviating blowhard is denied access to the nuclear codes and doesn’t thereby blow us all to hell.

But that’s another post.

Later.

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Been gone so long….”

  1. To say that I understand would be only a shadow of the reality. What I can say is that your description of circumstance, to me, seemed painfully familiar. All I have to offer are the sorts of things I tell myself when looking out at what can seem like an overwhelming set of circumstance. Daily, while others set about their path, those of us living with depression or anxiety must first overcome mountains of thought that stack themselves in seemingly unscalable piles before our every action. And yet each day we climb, some days further than others, and that takes a strength too few acknowledge.
    I also believe those dark places, the ones we get involuntarily dragged to, can only make us better writers. They lend a depth to our experience and perspective that some people will never see or understand. I use this in my writing.
    I enjoy reading your blog and think you write well. Please keep writing novels, if only so the characters you have birthed may one day find their fate.
    When the colour bleeds out of life, it’s they who keep me going.

    Sal

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