(Arooogah! Incoming Rant!)
My local newspaper has a review of Fifty Shades of Grey in this morning’s edition that just about sums it up.
Moira MacDonald is one the funnier, and more dependable, film critics around. If I had known nothing about the book from which the movie is derived, I would be well-advised by her review to flee to the hills. And even if I had missed her review, a quick perusal of Google results for the book would have brought this assessment to my eyes–
“I’ve never read anything so badly written that got published. It made Twilight look like War and Peace.” — Salman Rushdie
Oof. (“Torpedo amidships, Cap’n! She’s going doowwnn!”)
(Nothing off-color intended. Really).
It’s depressing to see this steaming pile of offal made into an actual film with an actual budget with actual actors (although, of course, Hollywood will do anything for a buck. No surprise there). The only thing more depressing is that the movie is based on a book that the publishing industry rushed to publish purely (there can be no other reason, least of all literary merit) because it had sold a ton of copies online. I am far from the first person to suggest that this one fact alone obliterates traditional publishing’s claim to be an arbiter of quality. Instead, it reveals trad publishing to be the soulless business it always has been.
Needless to say, I am not going to see the movie. I’ve got better things to spend the nine or ten or twelve bucks on. But inevitably I will be depressed for some time over the whole sorry business.
Of course, there’s always the chance that the Nostalgia Critic will review it. What a happy thought– maybe there’s hope yet….